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ARTICLE 19
EXACT PROCESS TO BECOME A RECORDING ARTIST!


SAVE or PRINT this entire article!

It's long, It's boring, It's abrasive, It's humorous, It's informative, and It's damned well dead-on-the-money! It's also been updated as of January 1st, 2005.

WHAT WON'T WORK! Believing so much as one God Damned thing you hear from ASCAP, BMI and SESAC!

Don't wait 'to be discovered' unless you have the documented genes of Methuselah, just so you'll live long enough. Think! Why should any record company spend the money to 'discover' anybody when someone with both budget and product is getting a busy signal? Any time a record company 'needs talent' or 'material' all they have to do is answer the phone or open the mail!

Get rid of the idiotic idea that "you can distribute your own records" without spending the money to become a DISTRIBUTED record label - in the business of being a Record Label - to the exclusion of being a Recording Artist, Recording Studio, Songwriter or Publisher! You can establish a Record Label, and get it distributed. It's done every day. It's a business. And like any other business, it must be financed and managed like any other business. And one of the great requirements of business, like money, is time, along with a very long shopping list of other requirements and expertise. So let's exclude all considerations other than being in the business of being a Recording Artist!

Now get rid of the idiotic idea that 'talent' means a damned thing in the Industry! If you think it takes 'talent' to make a record - TURN ON THE RADIO! The better part of today's radio fare sounds like a junkyard in an earthquake, an ape-fight in a boiler factory, a dying calf in a hail storm, a truck load of milk cans just hit a truck load of pigs, a cat-choir singing a siren serenade, or an artillery barrage that couldn't hit a bull in the ass with a handful of rice. And those are the love-songs. At least there's a variety! There IS some good music out there, in spite of the Beer Joint Baritones, hopefully yours will add to that collection.

WHAT WILL WORK! Don't believe a God Damned thing you hear from ASCAP, BMI and SESAC!

The first consideration of any recording project is BUDGET! How much money is this turkey going to take before it grows feathers? You can't blow the whole bucket in production and expect someone else to "take it from there" unless you're a damned fool. Such typical stupidity is known as "session-rich and promotion-poor" and only a damned fool does it. Once you know how much money you have to invest, that must pay for both production and promotion, you're ready for the next step. Determining what you're going to do with the product once it's finished.

And right here you have several solid choices.

First, be sure to make a mix of the MMV lest you have a hit on your hands, release it, and watch the legitimate reports, of which neither Billboard, R&R or Gavin [UPDATE: Gavin has folded! Another casualty of TRUTH in a hype-is-everything market!] qualify. If you can't get on the air, I don't give a damn if you've got the "Original SoundTrack of The Second Coming of Christ" and a confirmed date, whatever you're recording isn't going to sell! Period. End of comment.

PROMOLIBRARIES (Formerly DIGITAL LIBRARIES, and now being more commonly known as ELECTRONIC MUSIC SERVICES [EMS])

Since all Beer Joint Baritones have God on hold waiting for their instructions - let me enlighten the rest of you as to WHAT a Promo Library is! They are PROGRAM SERVICES where broadcasters, background music users, consultants, satellite syndicators, etceteras, can get current product - review it - load it or trash it - without ever handling a manufactured record! And, to do so they must PAY (subscription) for the service! Promo Libraries serve about the same purpose as the Music Libraries of yesteryear (some still exist!) only in the real world of today's high technology. And for the absolute stupids among you - NO! They don't pay royalties any more than a record store does!

However, Promo Libraries are a god-send to everyone with more brains than a tire iron. A record uploaded into a Promo Library permits all their subscribers to download it instantly anywhere in the world without loss of quality, getting destroyed in the mail, taking forever to get there, etceteras, and at a fraction of the cost to manufacture, package and ship! The big problem is anti-counterfeiting (piracy) measures, which is one of the major expenses of a Promo Library. Their precautions are elaborate and reasonably effective.

Can you imagine how much a pirate would pay for a first-generation digital master of a new release by any Super Star? I guarantee it's enough to buy your own brewery! So get off your paranoia and other related Beer Joint Baritone delusions and realize THIS IS A BUSINESS with a lot of parts, just like a locomotive, and they all have their place, their purpose, and their weaknesses as well as their strengths. And Promo Libraries are only one part that fools refuse to understand.

Case in point: First Question from the Jackass Element: "Where can I listen to a Promo Library?" YOU CAN'T! Unless you're a subscribing customer! And that may require being a broadcaster, background music user, etceteras, with one hell of a sound credit rating and track record of credibility! And NO! They are NOT going to give you a list of their clientele, lest you have a 'buddy' at radio KWJACKASS who will pass on this week's password(s)! I just explained part of the security requirements in the previous two paragraphs, or didn't you read that far?

Case in point: Second Question from the Jackass Element: "How do I know they'll play my record?" YOU DON'T, YOU STUPID BASTARD! Anymore than you know a radio station will play it if you mail them a manufactured copy! Put something in the groove that doesn't sound like The National Anthem of The Totally Mentally Incapacitated and you might log some air.

The down-side of Promo Libraries is the fact their subscription users are scattered all over the place. That means: when someone does hear a song and wants to buy it, the BUYER's desk the order shows up on may not have enough orders to justify the cost of processing. If the cut-off is say 500 copies, and the orders in Ubangy aren't up to said 500, there won't be any orders in Ubangy! Even if there were enough in Utangie next door when combined with Ubangy's orders - unless the BUYER handles both countries under the same license. Even so, the positives far out-weigh the negatives.

The cost per-song to upload varies with the Promoter's service. The highest I've ever seen was still far less than manufacturing, packaging and shipping. For more information you can check out Promo Library Information, via AVMR Services, and for your convenience, there is a contract linked that can be printed and used. Be sure to send TWO copies at least.

PROMOLIBRARY UPDATE!

There's been hell to pay in High Places! News comes this morning (January 15th, 1998) that the Major Labels have issued an ultimatum to the Record Promoters to STOP uploading Indie labels and artists into the Promo Libraries or risk being denied future promotion accounts! It's the same blackmail the Majors used on broadcasters (either play our records and STOP playing Indies or you won't get our new releases ...) and Trade Publications, Billboard, Cashbox, etceteras (either reserve the Top-40 for us and keep the Indies at the bottom or we'll stop buying advertising ....) to gut the small labels and gain total control over the entire Record Industry (1955-1960).

Why would they do this? Simple. MONEY! All of it. And the process has very lucrative future applications. First, the Majors financially bust the independent libraries; Second, they buy them up for a song; Third, they STOP mailing free promos to all radio stations; Fourth, the stations either buy a subscription to EACH the MAJOR's libraries - or BUY PROGRAMMING from some Consulting Service who does buy all those subscriptions - or do without new product! In either case, the new product they'll be doing without will include all Indies! And of course, with the absolute approval of Congress, the Courts, ASCAP, BMI and SESAC.

Blackmail? Extortion? Pure and simple. But when you own the courts and the legislators, you can do as you damned well please! And they'll have it all done by 2000! Remember, you read it here first.

However, some promoters won't be blackmailed, and their services are still available and linked to this site.

Now for the "SATELLITE" part of this crazy business. Satellites are communications devices in addition to having military and spy applications. The vast majority of ordinary telephone calls are routed via satellite because satellites are cheaper than telephone poles and wire! They also don't get torn up in storms or knocked down by drunk drivers, etceteras. The phone lines between your phone and exchange might, but the satellite won't (at least until we have laws and violators 'orbiting under the influence'!). When a broadcaster, especially a 'remote' station, receives their programming from anywhere else but their own studio, the signal comes via satellite! Radio and Television NETWORKS use as much satellite long-distance as they do their own microwave systems!

Enter the Great Grand Pooba Jerk of the Jackass Element: "Where can I hear my song on satellite?" By listening to any broadcaster using satellite programming that will play your god damned record! Or, if your paranoia prefers, invest a few hundred thousand bucks in a DownLink (antennas, tracking systems, de-scramblers, etceteras) and you can listen to all the satellites over your sector of the planet when ever you damned well want to.

To the absolute amazement of all fools and Beer Joint Baritones, virtually all satellite signals cover just about everyplace on that side of the planet! Otherwise, television dish systems wouldn't be worth a diddler's damn! Satellite signals can be beamed to cover only specific target areas, but most communications signals are very wide of necessity.

Second, and next in line for sometimes very limited coverage (just remember that all broadcasters do not subscribe to Satellite Syndicators and Promo Libraries are having a very rough time trying to survive the so-called 'major' label's attempts to dispose of them - so in promotion you need hard cost-effective coverage), are the legitimate compilations. Jackass compilations are worthless as tits on a tadpole and usually come with a Lifetime Membership on the Turkey List! Here's the Super List of the proven legitimate comps that have impeccable reputations for delivering both the numbers they claim and the recipients they advertise. The best comp depends on the Field of Music you're recording! Don't waste money trying to sell a Hard-Rock song in a Country-Gospel compilation their coverage is just too limited. Here's the list, in no particular order, and the respective Fields of Music they cater to.

There are other compilations out there, and some to avoid at all costs - because they exist to promote themselves on your money!

That's one of the big problems, and scams, in this Industry - people 'offering' some jackass, sub-standard 'service' in disguise of - and with the sole intent to - 'promote' their own career agenda: releasing 'their' music in hopes of 'being discovered' and given a million dollars!

If they had more brains than a brick, they'd know that any legitimate record company has enough problems with the 'liar-crook-thief' syndrome that comes with the woodwork of being in this Industry, and therefore are not going to associate themselves with anyone who has just bought a Front Page ad that they are an Industry Jerk or a damned liar-crook-thief or other disreputable jackass!

You're known by the company you keep - and your antics, whether Ignorant or Paranoid - and being associated with such scams is the absolute Kiss of Death in this business.

Gary Bradshaw's 'Western Heart Promotions', Glendale, AZ. A 'sound great' but crackpot go-nowhere scenario with equally crackpot do-nothing results;

Tracker Independent Country Chart, Nashville TN, their associated 'labels' and equally bogus 'compilations';

Capitol Entertainment, Robert Metzger, Nashville TN, tries to appear like Capitol/EMI records. IS NOT!

Pristine and Pleasure - Houston(?), Texas;

BjD and Wishing Away - Santa Fe, Texas;

Endeavor Starsong - Inkster, Michigan;

Trend - Smyrna, Georgia;

Willow Street - Stockton, California; and

Caprice International and Canadian American - Lititz, Pennsylvania.

Being associated with ANY of the above will Turkey List you faster than being born with feathers and lice intact! NONE - as in ZERO - of them have ever put an Artist any farther than they can throw them. Pusswilly 'charts' be damned. The REAL world requires something NONE of these 'entities' have: INTEGRITY and REAL INDUSTRY "KNOW HOW". NONE of them have legitimate DISTRIBUTION as required by the Main Stream Industry. NONE of them have global access to either licensers or manufacture. And NONE of them have ever made anybody a Star!

Deal with any of the above at the risk of your Career in the REAL world of Recorded Music and Entertainment. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

We've received numerous complaints about all these comp 'organizations' - and if you've heard some of their product, you'd know why! This is not a blacklist, but if you've been shafted by any compilation, let us know and I'll be glad to add them to this list.

Now, if you're so damned certain your record is going to upset the entire universe - there are additional choices!

The next step up from compilation is your own album. You'll need a lot of support and expertise, not Beer Joint Baritone delusions, to get your product properly manufactured, promoted and distributed. Any of the Super Six General Licensers can - but may not - take on your project. And before you blast off on an emotional tangent that can't get interrupted for a commercial, read and learn the following Rules!

Rule Number One - DON'T BE STUPID!

Record Companies do not 'need' you, your song, your product, 'your talent', your money, your ignorance, or your paranoia! And they damned well won't tolerate any questioning of their creditability! If you "can't find" someone listed among the Super Six General Licensers or their Labels - it's because YOU don't know where to look - and wouldn't know what to look for if it ran over you at High Noon!

The youngest General Licenser in the business is the DREAMWORKS organization - and all the partners came to the table with decades of experience and track records under their respective belts. (Everyone inside the Industry knows DreamWorks is distributed through Walt Disney Company, but carrying their own weight, and none of the paranoids even know where to find that information!) [UPDATE: DreamWorks is now distributed by UNIVERSAL MUSIC GROUP, better known as Vivendi!] The other General Licensers are all decades old, and if you don't know "who" they are, or their track records, it's because YOU don't know a damned thing about this Industry! If the ignorance is yours, then keep it to yourself lest it become stupidity by exposure.

Rule Number Two - DON'T BE STUPID!

Get rid of the idea - and anyone in your association who maintains the delusion - that you can put any of the General Licensers, or their personnel, "on trial" for them to 'get your business'.

They'll tell you to go to hell so fast you'll think it came with your Birth Certificate!

If you want 'references', financial or otherwise, you're only asking the perpetually stupid "who have you done this for before?" and instantly identifying yourself as either industry-ignorant, paranoid, or both. (FYI, all legitimate Recording Contracts come with non-disclosure provisions, so neither Artists nor Companies can use one another for 'references' lest they risk giving the IRS information to slam everybody's doors!) If you have any doubts about who you're doing business with - then put your life on hold for the next few years - learn the Record Industry from the business side of the view - find out what to look for and where to find it - and you'll discover that all those 'references' you wanted were out in the open right under your nose all the time!

Rule Number Three - DON'T BE STUPID!

Be ready to accept or reject the company's offer - because you can't dictate a damned thing! If you're a Super Star you can write your own ticket because you're paying for it! If you're a Beer Joint Baritone (whether you play the dives or not!) trying to break in to this best-of-all Industries - or 'represent' somebody else who is, you're not in any position to set any half-cocked 'terms'. I don't give a damn if you've played every gig between here and the Main Gates of Hell and been on every Stupid Jerk label in existence! Record Companies only have so much money - they put together the best financial package that budget can afford - that package is as fair to all concerned as the market and business conditions will permit - and either you want it, or you don't. I assure you, nobody at the Record Company gives a good god-damn one way or the other because there's someone else on the line getting a busy signal who isn't as stupid!

You want a copy of their contract ... THE HELL YOU SAY! Ever hear tell of "LEGAL FEES"? Legitimate Record Companies are not going to 'give' you free copies of contracts that cost them untold thousands of dollars to prepare! For all they know, you're a record company and are too cheap to spend (or don't have) the money for that very necessary Legal Staff and Services! They'll tell you the general terms - which vary hour by hour on the market tide - and once you're ready to do business via product and cash in hand, they'll print and signature all the copies you need. In the mean time, and more often than not, they'll ask for a non-refundable deposit before they deliver a copy of those very expensive agreements. And, that deposit may - or may not - be deductible from their package price!

You'll find that all legitimate Record Companies use copyrighted contracts and they enforce those copyrights! They deal with copyrights and copyright thieves right along with daylight, and have no qualms about packing the full load into any thieving bastard's behind. And they damned well should! The only way to break up thievery is to KILL THE THIEVES!

Even so, VMG's ExP, Publishing and Promo contracts are on-line for your review - EXECUTIVE PRODUCER'S RECORD RELEASE AGREEMENT - Music Publisher's Agreement the ASCAP/BMI/SESAC are a find and replace - PromoLibrary and not that this agreement is at AVMR Services, the company that does all our paperwork. You can use any company you choose, it's YOUR money, YOUR music, and YOUR career!

Rule Number Four - DON'T BE STUPID!

Don't think you can 'intimidate' any legitimate Record Company by being presented by a lawyer, accountant, 'management' firm or any other such self-important jackass entity! Record Companies have more lawyers, accountants and managers on staff than you can imagine - all paid to protect the company - and they'd damned well better do just that! If you need legal advice - get the best money can buy - but never attempt to use a lawyer - or anyone else - to 'intimidate' a Record Company.

It's a simple - but cold, hard fact - that all legitimate Record Companies already KNOW the real and phony 'production' companies, 'management' agents and agencies, etceteras, because they deal with them all the time! Every day. All day long. Week in and week out. And it's good business for them to do so, because those REAL people carry one hell of a load of administration and related decision services the average Beer Joint Baritone doesn't even know exists!

That is not to say that legitimate Record Company doors are closed to all new-comers. FAR FROM IT! But they damned sure don't have to tolerate the stupidities of some self-important know-nothing jackass to whom they have to teach the rudiments of kindergarten Entertainment Industry! And especially when it comes to the investment required with respect to phonograph records.

Point to Ponder: Did it ever occur to you that each and every "horror story" contract was duly approved by some Jackass Lawyer?

Rule Number Five - DON'T BE STUPID!

In all probability you cannot 'present' your racket 'in person' - simply because all legitimate Record Company Executives DO NOT HAVE THE TIME! They'll tell you the kind of demo and relevant information to submit - which they'll review on their schedule, not yours - and they'll get back with whatever deal they have, if any.

And don't maintain the Beer Joint Baritone delusion that you can hard sell 'your product' to any legitimate Record Company. Legitimate Record Companies will not be high-pressured into anything - so don't kill your chances by thinking 'you' are any exception to the rules. If you have a commercially acceptable product, and your share of the promotion budget, no 'hard sell' is necessary. If you're lacking either one, you're also wasting your god damned time!

And - if you have to 'go out and see' them - if their schedule permits, they'll welcome you with open arms. AND A CLOSED DOOR! You just bought the Front Page ad that you're a full blown industry-ignorant paranoid with all your stupidity intact! They often meet to sign contracts, but not always, and if you put them to the expense of time and money to meet - you'd damned well better sign and deliver your share of the budget in full - or you're going to be on that Great Turkey List so damned high that Number One will look like last-place! And you're going to stay on it until ten days the other side of hell's third re-freeze.

And damned well you should! The Industry has enough idiotic jackass elements already, and the sooner they're weeded out, the better.

Rule Number Six - DON'T BE STUPID!

Mad-Hog rushing into the studio and recording a bunch of totally unusable emotional nonsense - is prima-facie evidence that you lay awake nights thinking up new ways to be stupid the next day! Whatever is being "hyped" by the media as 'being hot' today is actually the trash that needs all the help it can get! If a product is really selling like hell over low brush, it sure doesn't need some super-charged campaign that doesn't do a damned thing but cost money! So rushing in to the studio to "get in on this trend" only displays stupidity - not Industry Ignorance - plain, everyday, numb-sculled stupidity!

The same is true with respect to any 'religious' or 'social' agenda. Not that these are irrelevant factors in our civilization, or that they don't need commentary, but all legitimate Record Companies have somebody's money invested for the sole and exclusive purpose of making a profit! Profit which the Record Company had damned well deliver - your 'religious' or 'social' convictions notwithstanding!

If you want to record a religious song - then do it! But only with selling the record in mind! You can do 'your ministry' on your own time and out of your own pocket. If the record helps, fine. If it doesn't sell, what else is new?

If you want to record a social statement - then do it! But only with selling the record in mind! You can do 'your own social agenda' on your own time and on your own money. If the record helps, maybe you'll win a point. And if it dies the death of damned foolishness, welcome to the Real World of Records.

All legitimate Record Companies are businesses! They are not 'churches', - they are not 'social' organizations - they are not 'political' parties or action committees - they are businesses in business for the sole and exclusive purpose of MAKING MONEY FOR THEIR INVESTORS! And either you are a part of that sole and exclusive profit factor or you and your product are trash can bound! Probably in the trash can next door since the Record Company doesn't want to contaminate their own.

The cold, hard, fact of life in the REAL World of Records is - it costs as much to produce and deliver a record that will sell to only some limited jackass 'genre' as it does to produce and deliver a record that will sell ten million copies world wide! And that, my darlings, is the position all legitimate Record Companies are in.

Rule Number Seven - DON'T BE STUPID!

The term is "RADIO FRIENDLY" - and you'd damned well better be!

You might want to hear yourself blast off incoherently on an expanded version of Encyclopedia Britannica set to Boss-ka-ninny's Fifth bowel Movement - but if you can't get it on the air - the entire investment is going to suck more than a Queer's Convention!

Any recording that exceeds 3:30 Total Running Time has cut its potential air time in half going right in the door!

If you're a Super Star - or have one hell of a huge promotion budget - you can get away with long-winded nonsense. But if you're still in the upward-mobility stage, you need to use every good "do" in the book - and avoid the "don'ts" like the plague.

There's nothing worse than trying to listen to a demo and be interrupted by two Birthday Parties - and both of them YOURS! And jackass elements will do it every time.

If what you're going to record requires more than 3:30 - intro, turn around, tag and all - due to 'the integrity of the song', then get another song! The competition is too keen to let such emotional stupidity get in the way of success. And if you have "all confidence" in a song - then by all means go for it. If it justifies your confidence everyone will be too rich to give a damn. However, if it falls flat in your face - double check that Total Running Time on your next release if you have enough money left to get one!

Rule Number Eight - DON'T BE STUPID!

A good musical instrument or piece of recording equipment won't work one damned bit better in a so-called Music Capitol address than it will anywhere else in the world, as long as whoever is handling it knows what in the hell they're doing! The only thing more idiotic than "going to a Music Capitol to get discovered" is going to a Music Capitol to record your 'hit'! To put it mildly, most 'recording studios' couldn't cut cold dung with a power saw nor mix a fog horn solo! There's one hell of a big difference between being able to make a commercially acceptable record and being a tape-recorder operator living under an assumed name!

And a Music Capitol "address" doesn't change that one damned bit.

Nor are legitimate Record Companies impressed with Music Capitol productions! They don't give a damn if you cut it in a squat-legged bathroom in Downwind Smellsville! If you've got a commercially acceptable product - that, and only that is the 'production' consideration.

Commercially acceptable product and your share of the budget - and you have all the ingredients to get a good Recording Contract! And, YES! There's room for you and your music too.

Rule Number Nine - DON'T BE STUPID!

Make up your own mind about which songs you're going to use, the instrumentation, and everything else about the product and the production! Incorporating the Record Company's advice is one thing - wanting them to do all your thinking for you - is another.

After all, this initial outlay is your money, not theirs. So you can call some of the shots. And if you want to establish yourself, on your own ground, rather than being a second-best copy of someone else who is going to become a "has been" - then you'd be well advised to keep your own counsel and make your own decisions once you know what the hell you're doing!

It may come as a shock, but Record Company Executives don't know a damned bit more about what John & Joan Q. Recordbuyer is going to like than you do! They know what to do and where to put it to find out, but they don't have even the slightest clue as to whether it will actually sell or not.

And neither does anybody else!

I've told untold thousands who've asked me which song of their's I liked best, "If I knew what songs John or Joan Q. Public would - or would not - buy, I'd only have one of two things. Either the ONLY Record Company on the Planet, or the damnedest consulting fees from the others ever printed in a pay check!"

Once you have some Market feed-back, you might want to change a lot of things, and the Record Executive will help you every step of the way. But until then, don't waste their time with your indecision, and be ready for whatever happens. Who knows? You damned well may be right!

Rule Number Ten - DON'T BE STUPID!

Get rid of anybody in your association that is idiotic enough to ask for "an advance"! And that includes anyone idiotic enough to think the Record Company is going to pay all the bills and then give them all the money!

There damned well may not BE any money! Only one record out of eight ever sells any commercial copies at all, so be prepared for record number TWO if record number ONE doesn't really set the world afire.

I've never paid an 'advance' to anybody, songwriter or recording artist, and never lost a contract because of it that ever made a damned thing! And the only times I've ever seen any such 'advances' being paid is when the Record Company had to shelve some jerk who was getting in the way of someone else who was making money. And never under any other conditions!

In fact, for THIRTY YEARS - from 1960 through 1990 - I offered TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS CASH - to anyone who could produce a legitimate 'advance' contract with either a publisher of note or a distributed Record Label that didn't have a CHARGE BACK clause that covered every penny - with interest!

And in all those THIRTY YEARS there were no takers!

Only a few phonies ever attempted the bait.

Now that you know what you're going to do with your record - and especially now that you know the format, running time, and other technical requirements - you can choose a song in the vein of what's happening now or attempt to make your song the happening. Be ready to spend some money in initial promotion - and distribution once you have a viable product.

And, unless you're filthy rich, Market Test your product with a LITTLE money, and spend BIG when you have a solid Market following. Blowing your entire budget on a pipe dream by flying off with your stupidity intact, is the best way I know of to lose your shirt!

However, those of you who think you can pay for your second record with the sales of your first, really don't have anything wrong with you that a brand new set of brains wouldn't cure! The same is true for songwriters who want 'some name' to record their song for free so they'll have enough money to buy themselves into the Recording Artist business. Just don't hold your breath. You don't look good in purple at all and especially in the face!

And right here I want you to stop until you fully understand the next cold, hard, fact of entertainment life: don't confuse RECORD promotion with ARTIST promotion! They are not the same thing. If a great record begins with the song (and it does!) then a Great Artist's career begins with a good record. And a "good record" begins with a sound business plan and proper production - then lives because the Public likes it, or dies either because they don't - or more often than not because of Beer Joint Baritone jackass promotion or interference (back-dooring!)!

There are a few other points you should know - what to look for in a contract, etceteras - and all that is covered in the International Industrial Review (August 1994) pages linked below. But many people assume they are going to manufacture the records and the General Licenser is going to write them a big check. NOT AS LONG AS YOUR RECTUM POINTS DOWN! There's a small matter of anti-counterfeiting and the minute you manufacture any commercial copies at all, even in cassette, there's a First Generation MASTER of your production out there in the far reaches of oblivion, and each and every copy of a CD is one! General Licensers spend a huge amount of money protecting their products - and the damned fool that manufactures their own just blew any and all anti-counterfeiting potential - instantly making their product totally worthless to the Record Company.

The first thing to watch in any Recording Contract, even an Executive Producer's Record Release Agreement, is the royalty base. If you see any contract that starts all this 'percent of ....' malarkey, TRASH CAN THE DAMNED THING! Jackass lawyers love to write such long-winded and important-sounding legal instruments, but the bottom line is the bastards are robbing you blind! You want to see a flat PER-SONG PER-COPY SOLD royalty rate and at the current (United States Domestic Rate) of EIGHT and ONE HALF CENTS! (Vandor Music Group pays NINE CENTS per-song per-copy sold - the HIGHEST RATE IN THE INDUSTRY AND THE HIGHEST RATE IN HISTORY!)

If you're smart enough to be your own Executive Producer (ExP), you should see an ExP contract pay TWICE that rate - out of which you pay yourself as the ARTIST! That's right - $.09 to the ExP and $.09 to the Artist - per-song (not record!) per-copy sold.

Now the Idiot Elements (with stupid grin intact) think they can put twenty songs in an album and be rich! There are no blue-eyed people who think that. If you look deep in those eyes you'll see a deep dark brown. Because anyone who thinks that is full of condensed owl dung right up to their eyebrows! This is a business - a product delivered for a given price with profit the intent - like all other businesses, even if the "product" is a rendered service. Anyone who wants to survive in business must make sure their product or service has a value to the customer that does not exceed the price! In this instance the magic number is TEN (10) - ten songs in an album - even a Split-5 is a TEN selection product, and it pays a TEN song royalty! Now get that straight - TEN songs - no more, no less. John & Joan Q. Recordbuyer aren't going to pay the same money for less - and the Record Company can't afford to pay out more than the record will bring in!

I know, there's those super-stupid EPs ... Well, what that amounts to is half a product for the same price to manufacture! Beer Joint Baritones might move a few EPs at the Friday/Saturday night beer-sop (once they've sopped enough!), but the reality is there has never been a Gold or Platinum EP! And the reason is simple. There are FIXED COSTS in any product. To manufacture and ship, envelopes and postage, telephone and other etceteras, costs the same for a Jackass Product as it does for a Gold Mine! Make no mistake, the record buying public is not going to pay full-price for half a product, and record companies are not going to handle anything they can't make a profit on. They'd both be damned fools if they did! The common sense point is - LESS than TEN songs, you're robbing the customer (or trying to) - MORE than TEN songs, the mechanical royalties eat the profit margin alive. And only a damned fool would do either one.

However, in the case of all Beer Joint Baritones - "because the Clap-Trap Squallers in the Skid Row Bar & Stale Vomit Grill on the corner made an EP and lost their ass, we've got to maintain that stupidity and make an EP just like it!" We can't have any jackass what-won't-work delusions being lost to mankind!

And at near closing, don't waste the time to 'put a band together' so your can 'make a record'. The Idiot Elements will eat your energies by the ton, and not contribute a god damned thing! Make up your mind what you're going to record, how you're going to record it, and either play it yourself or hire the people necessary to do it. Then, when and if, your record makes any real noise in the Industry, all those same energy-sapping bastards that will bleed you dry will come running out of the trash pile like a forked streak of double-geared lightening! And they still won't be worth a damn! But then you can take your choice of those who are, because they'll be there too.

Before you spend one penny in recorded music, or even in making a xerox copy of a lyric sheet, STOP RIGHT HERE and read the entire IIR report that is the major content of this WebSite. I guarantee, if you jump over any single point, some Record Executive is going to catch you. And if you're too damned ignorant to learn this Industry on your own, you're also too damned ignorant to survive in it!

I sincerely hope you've enjoyed reading this instructional - and for those of you who have made it this far - every "STUPID" above is solid fact. I know, I made every damned one of those stupid blunders in one form or another, and in just about that order. I managed to escape the Turkey List because I blew all those tires on my own money - and bought my way back dollar by hard-earned dollar.

If you didn't grab everything contained in this rage-page, take the time to re-read the entire International Industrial Review site - all twelve articles - and you'll be as up-to-date as anyone else in the entire Industry. All the links and returns are listed on our home page. And for those few paranoids who can't find the documentation they'd wade neck-deep in the Firepits of Hell for - read "HANK WILLIAMS, THE BIOGRAPHY" by Colen Escott. It clearly documents the absolute neglect of the so-called 'major' publications of the day when it came to any Field of Music that wasn't part of the Kak New York/Los Angeles Clique. And that included most Black contributions and virtually all the Country Artists who weren't owned.

Thanks for your time, I hope each of you make a million million!





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